Killing me softly
by Lucius McLean
Summary: Part 4 is up! Luka is in Croatia, and is voluntaring at a local hospital, but something sad is happening, will Luka manage to get through this too? Thanks for R
1. Default Chapter

  
  
A Kovac point of view story.   
  
Killing Me Softly  
  
It had been my worst day ever at work, all the unlegal immigrants who was wounded because Kerry couldn't keep to her own business. During the day I had almost started to cry. Almost. I can't remember last time I really cried.   
  
"Dr. Kovac are you okay?". Malucci asked. Of course I wasn't okay, seeing all those people without homes, without their families.   
"I'm fine" I lied, it was starting to be natural to lie. Just so they wouldn't ask me further questions. I remember once I had a patient who died and her husband felt so much guilt that he committed suicide. I know how he felt, I can't tell about all those times I have thought about committing suicide, just like the patient's husband, I feel guilt, I am alive and she's not. What kind of husband was I, who could let my wife and children die? I should have got them out of the country as soon as the war started.  
  
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder,   
"Dr. Kovac?" I turned and Corday stood right in front of me   
"Yes?"   
"Are you ok?" She said with her English accent.   
"Yes, I am just fine" She looked at me checking my face to find anything that could show her if I lied. She wouldn't find anything, I knew that, lying have become far to simple.   
"If you are okay, why have you been staring at the same chart for 30 minutes?"   
"I am fine Dr. Corday" I heard my voice being a little more angry then I meant to.   
"I am fine" I repeated.   
"This day have been hard for all of us, but maybe even more for you…." "Why should it be worse for me?" I said sharply and walked into the lounge.   
  
Benton were sitting there reading some papers. I normally don't talk to him, we are far to different, so every time we try to talk it normally ends up with a fight. I opened my locker and stared right into a picture from Croatia, I felt tears pushing, but once again I managed to hide them.   
Kerry came walking in, she looked bad herself, with tears filling her eyes. She opened her mouth as she was going to say something, but closed it again.   
"Dr. Weaver, I need some time off" I swallowed,   
"Yes, how much time do you need?"   
"I need a month".   
  
Benton turned around, looking at me, and then at Weaver. She seemed to have been crying.   
"Yes, sure. From Friday?"  
"Yes, thank you" Benton opened his mouth to protest, but closed it when Kerry sent him a look that warned him to shut up.  
  
I can't remember anything from the ride back to my apartment, I only managed to think that in two days, I would be back in Croatia. Abby opened the door, she smiled to me, but her face faded, when she looked at me, I think I glowed sorrow.   
"Are you ok?"   
"Yes, I am fine."   
"You don't look fine."   
"I am, I am just so tired."   
"Take some time of work then."   
"I am going to Croatia on Friday."   
"Croatia? How long will you be gone?"   
"A month"   
"A month?!" Her face showed confusion.   
"It will just be a little while, I have something I have to do" Her face darkened before she walked out. Normally I would have run after her, but today wasn't normally.   
  
I only remember few things from the day after, Abby didn't talk to me, I understand that, I should have told her before, but how could I do that when I didn't know it myself?. The nurses seemed to feel pity for me, I hate pity, I don't deserve it. The only point with my life is to help others keep their lives. I remember the day in May, the day Carter was sent to rehab. there was shooting at a school, I remember that I threw myself over the nurse and patient as a human shield for the bullets. It was a miracle that I didn't get hurt, anyway I didn't think a second before throwing myself over the patient.  
  
In my brake, I found Abby sitting in the lounge.   
"Abby, I am sorry. I didn't exactly plan it a long time ahead." She looked down and said low   
"It's just that I am so afraid for loosing you."   
"You won't loose me, I just need some time off to think"   
"Think about what?"   
"I need to think about Croatia, yesterday made me realise that I can't escape from the memories, I need to see my family again" She nodded "Promise me to be careful and call as often as possible"   
"Of course Abby, I would never want to make you afraid or hurt. I swear"   
  
At the end of my shift I was exhausted, I think it was all the thinking as much as work. There seemed to have been changes with relationships, Abby and Carter talked again, they seemed to have been friends again. Benton and Carter didn't talk much and Weaver and Legaspi seemed to have got close. My shift ended earlier than Abby so I went to find her, she was standing with Malucci and Chuny talking.   
"Abby, I leave now" She walked towards me   
"Be careful" I kissed her on the lips.   
"I will, take care of yourselves" When our lips separated I saw Chuny and Malucci staring at us, I think we never have kissed at the hospital. Malucci made a big smile to Chuny, who also smiled.  
  
I turned and walked out of the hospital, for the last time in a month. Abby looked after Luka, she was so afraid to loose him. She walked towards Malucci and Chuny again.   
"Like you two kissed it seemed like he was going away a long time" Malucci said.   
"He is." Abby answered short.   
"He is?" Chuny asked a little confused.  
"Yes he is going to be in Croatia for a month." Malucci looked at her   
"A month? Festus would never let me take a month off so suddenly"   
"He said that he have a few things to clear up."   
"It has probably something to do about yesterday, you know with all those illegal immigrants" Malucci said  
"Yeah probably."  
  
I took the EL back to the apartment and drove to the airport. I sat and thought about how it would be to get back to Croatia again. I have been there on visits before, but none this long. I slept most of the flight, in most of the dreams Croatia was back to as it was before the war came, peaceful, quiet, and friendly.   
"Sir, do you want anything?" I looked up  
"Yes, a coffee please, dark no sugar" She gave me the coffee smiling, "Enjoy the rest of the flight"   
"Thanks I will"   
"So you are going back home?" I turned and saw a lady in the middle of her fifties.   
"I don't know" I couldn't say yes, because I don't know what is my home anymore, Croatia or Chicago.  
"Where are you flying from?, I fly from N.Y., I am going to visit a friend." "Chicago" I answered shortly and closed my eyes pretending to sleep, the lady was kind of annoying.   
"Please put on you seatbelts as we arrive at Croatia's main airport" The captain finally said. I did as told and felt my pulse speed up a little as the plane landed, I was back in Croatia and no one here knew it yet.  
  
It was wonderful to hear people speaking Croatian around me again as I walked through the airport. I managed to get a cab fast, and sat in, it was weird to hear my own voice speaking Croatian again. I gave the driver my parents address. I couldn't believe that I was back in Croatia again. The driver stopped in front of a familiar brown house, it was exactly the same as I remembered, It hadn't been hit by any bombs. I paid the driver with American dollars, since I hadn't any other money on me. I looked down on my watch the clock was 2 a.m. in Chicago, I moved it up a little so it covered the scar from the prison camp. No one in Chicago knew that I had been in a war camp and I don't wanted them to either, then they just would feel more pity for me and as I have said I hate pity. Abby haven't seen them either, we have decided that we shall wait with sex till after we're married.   
  
I walked up the small road towards house, every little sound and every sound was familiar, it made me feel safe, even though I knew I was much less safe here than in Chicago. I knocked on the door, I hadn't been there since before my wife died. I knocked the door again, and the door opened a little, I saw my mother's face looking carefully out the door.  
  
To be continued? 


	2. Killing Me Softly part 2

"Luka! Is it really you?!"  
"Yes mum it's me" She opened the door wide opened and gave me a big hug, I heard someone else coming from the inside too.   
"Come on Luka, your father will be incredibly happy to see you!" She dragged me inside and closed the door.  
  
"Who is it Maria?" I recognised at once the dark voice from my father. "You won't believe it!" She said loudly back. I heard someone coming fast down the hall, and then a familiar face looked at me.   
"Luka!" He ran towards me and gave me a hug.   
"Why are you here?"   
"I need some time to think, and it's no places I think as much as here."   
"I am so incredibly happy to see you" I felt mum squeezing my hand   
"Are you tired after the flight? Or are you hungry?"   
"No, I am fine, I just wanted to talk a little" But just to talk isn't just to talk with my mother, first she have to make tea to everyone, then find some cookies and after that we finally can talk.   
"How is the situation down here now?" I didn't know much cause the American news only told about Croatia when it was politics  
  
My father was grave   
"Well, As much as I would like to say that everything is fine, I can't. People still disappear every day, houses is being bombed. Nothing have really changed." I looked down on the carpet.   
"So how is life back in Chicago?" My mother said to get the topic over to something else.   
"It is pretty much the same, just that I have met a girl, I like her a lot, but I don't think I love her as much as I loved Daniella." I looked down on the carpet again. I could feel that my parents exchanged stares.  
  
My father tried to lighten my mood.   
"So what is her name?"   
"Abby Lockhart"   
"Luka, I think you should call your brother and sister, they would be surprised to hear that you are here."   
"Yes, Is the phone the same place as it was?"   
"Nothing have changed here, son." My father smiled and I walked towards the phone. I picked it up, I could the number in my head still, someone picked up   
"Kovac" A female voice said.   
"Hello, is Daniell home?"   
"Who is this?"   
"It is his brother, Luka"   
"Just wait a minute"   
"I did't have to wait long before someone picked up,   
"Luka, is it really you?" I smiled   
"Yes, it's me" "It have been such a long time since we have seen you, you should visit us in Croatia sometime."   
"I am in Croatia, Daniell"  
"You are?"   
"Yes I am, I am at mums and dads house So who was that woman I spoke to earlier?"  
"Wow, It have been a really long time since we spoke, that was my wife."  
"Are you married?"  
"I have been that the last three years. So how is it with you, brother?" "I am fine" I said shortly.   
"I think me and my wife comes over soon, I can't wait to see you again!" "Yeah it will be nice seeing you again too"   
  
I hung up and picked up the phone again, I wanted to call my sister to. I dialled the number.   
"Hello" I understood at once who it was, it is hard to not recognise a voice filled with so much happiness   
"Hello Sister"   
"Daniell, what is it?" My sister sounded annoyed.   
"No, your other brother."   
"Luka?!"  
"Hello Trijana"   
"Wow it seems like forever since I last talked to you. How are you"   
"I am fine, I just wanted to tell that I am in Croatia for a month, and I am staying with our parents."   
"I come right over!" She hung up. I looked at the phone, maybe I should call Abby, and tell her that I had arrived? I walked into the living room again, dad sat and read a newspaper and mum sat and knitted.   
"Is it okay that I call someone in Chicago? I will be fast."   
"Ok" I walked back to the phone and picked it up.   
  
Abby stood and looked at the board when the phone rang, since Frank were nowhere in sight she picked it up.   
"ER"   
"This is Dr. Kovac is Abby Lockhart there?"   
"It's me, everything okay Luka?"   
"Yes, I just wanted you to know that I am okay."   
"Are you in a rush or something?"   
"Yeah I am, its rather expensive to call from here. I call you later okay? Love you"   
"I love you too" Abby put the phone down again, she was a little less worried now, but still more worried about something than she had been before.   
  
I put the phone down and walked into the living room, my mother smiled at me as I came in.   
"I can't understand how you manage to speak that language, it seems so difficult." I smiled back at her   
"I'm not good at it…… At the same moment the doorbell rang, and mum ran down to see who it was. I heard some mumbling, I knew what they talked about, they talked about me, and how I was doing. After a few moments a man came in towards me, he was not as high as me, but he had the same nose and the same mouth. He smiled a big smile to me when he entered the room   
"Luka! Long time no see!" I smiled back at him,   
"Yeah I know." He gave me a hug. "I want you to meet my wife Rianna. First now I noticed a woman standing behind him, she smiled at me "Hello Luka, nice finally meeting you, I have heard so much about you."  
  
"Thanks, nice meeting you too." I looked at the woman her hair was long, curly and black almost like Daniella's   
"Excuse me, but I am really tired, so I think I go to bed." Daniell looked at me searching through my face.   
"Where can I sleep?" I asked my mother.   
"Your old room"   
"Thanks, good night". I walked out of the room, I wasn't tired at all, I just wanted to be alone for a while.  
  
Daniell looked at his father,   
"Is he still mourning?"   
"Yes, definitely"   
"It looks like it's eating him up from the inside. He hides it, but I know my own brother good enough to say that he has changed a lot, that's not Luka."  
"I know, but who would be the same after going through what he have?" Everyone sat down around the table, silent.   
"He said that he have met someone though, but at once he spoke about love he started to think about Daniella"   
"I wonder if he ever will get over her"   
"I don't know, I think he miss his children just as much, he just try to hide it."   
"Sometimes hiding your feelings can be worse than the pain of the incident."   
  
I walked up to my old room, it was exactly the same as when I moved out. I walked towards my desk, it was a mess, with drawings and papers all over, I loved to draw before, but I haven't done it in nine years. I started looking around at the drawings, under one I saw something that looked like a photograph, I moved all the papers and lifted up the little picture, a girl with black long hair looked smiling at me, her eyes was brown like chocolate and her skin was perfect, I stared down on a picture of a young Daniella.  
  
For the first time in nine years I let my tears fall. Inside me I said "Men don't cry, men don't cry". But I cried. The picture of her had made all my memories with her flash before my eyes. I laid down on the bed, and my whole body shook of tears.  
  
Maria were going up to get some flour, but she stopped when she heard the sound of cry, she turned to find out were it came from. She realised fast that it came from her son, Luka's room. The sound made her incredibly sorry, but at the same time happy, she couldn't remember last time she heard him cry. She knew that he wanted to be alone now, he was always like that, he never wanted to show anyone that he cried, and if someone talked to him then, he would get angry. So she picked up the flour and walked down again.  
  
I woke up early in the morning of bird sing. I couldn't get back to sleep so I stood up and headed for the shower. I took of my clothes and looked at myself, red scars still were visible against my skin, they were constant reminders of the prison camp, I walked quickly away from the mirror I wasn't here to pity myself. I turned on the water, and almost yelled out of shock when ice-cold water hit me, I remembered that this often happened, because the power had been turned shut down during the night. I had been spoiled in USA with warm water every day. One positive thing about the cold water was that I definitely woke up.  
  
After the shower I quickly pulled on my clothes and walked down, I was the first one to wake up, so I just grabbed a slice of old bread and walked outside. There were still a lack of food, so there was no reason to waste good food on me. It was dangerous to walk outside, but I just had to get out a little, and there wasn't so dangerous here as in Vukovar, were I, the most stupid man in the world lived with my two children and wife.   
  
As I looked around I saw that many of the old buildings still was here, this street had survived well. I saw a man standing out in a garden playing with a dog, in some way the man looked familiar to me, stooped for a closer look. But now the man also had seen me, he stared at me just the same way I must have stared at him. Then the man opened his mouth.   
"Luka, Luka Kovac is that you?"   
"Yes I am Luka Kovac, who are you?"   
"It's me Dimitrji" I suddenly remembered. He was one of my best friends when I was little.   
  
Dimitrji walked over to me,   
"How are you Luka?"   
"I am fine" I answered almost automatic.   
"I haven't seen you in almost ten years, where on the earth have you been?"   
"I have moved to Chicago, and this is my first visit back in ten years." Dimitrji was almost the same as I remembered, full of life and happiness. "So what are you doing for a living?" Dimitrji asked, he always wanted to know everything when we were small. "I am a ER doctor. You?"   
"I am a psychiatrist"   
"Yes, I guess there is much need for that down here."   
"So how is it with Daniella?" I looked down on the ground, it had been so long since I talked with Dimitrji. How could I answer that question? That it was my fault that she died?   
"She is dead" Dimitrji looked shocked.   
"Dead?"   



	3. Killing Me Softly part 3

*?* Where did that Disclaimer go? Anyway here it is: Not Mine, I just borrow them for fun and I will send them back in remotely good shape- They belong to WB and NBS ++++  
  
"Yes she died in Vukovar nine years ago" I felt my voice getting low.   
"I am so sorry"   
"So am I" He tried to start a new conversation, but I only answered him whit short Yes, No and Maybe. I looked down on my watch, they was probably up and was preparing breakfast, so I should probably head back.   
"I have to go, nice talking with you again Dimitrji."   
"Nice talking to you too"   
  
When I opened the door to the house, I felt smells I haven't smelled in long time, my mothers breakfast. I walked into the kitchen and sat down. "So early you are up" My mother said, putting a kettle on the oven.   
"I have been out, I met Dimitrji, so I talked a while with him."   
"Yes I have spoken to him too a few times. Are you hungry?, it's probably not as much to choose from as you are used to, We only have some bread, cheese, and eggs." I looked at the food in front of me, there were no reason to waste it on me,   
"No I am not so hungry, I ate a little before I went out" It wasn't a lie, I had eaten a slice of dry bread."   
"Nonsense a big man like you needs much food." I smiled my mother had always made us eat properly. The doorbell rang and I walked down to open the door. As I opened it another familiar face appeared in front of me.   
"Trijana!" I opened the door completely,   
"Luka! So long time since last I saw you!"   
"Yes It have been a while. I have missed you"   
"I have missed you so much too" Mother came in the door,   
"Trijana, would you join us for breakfast?"   
"I would love to" Daniell and his wife had stayed overnight so they also sat down for breakfast.   
  
"So how did you sleep Luka?" Father asked me   
"I slept good" Mother looked at me not really believing me.   
"I did, really" I smiled.   
"So how is life in Chicago?" My sister asked, she is always so curious about foreign places.   
"It's really good there, but the laws are really screwed up."   
"How?" My sister asked.   
"For example we got in a pregnant girl, who had stabbed herself to kill the baby, but in someway the baby survived the stabbing. But the screwed up part was that we wasn't allowed to save the baby without her consent. So the baby died" My father stared at me   
"Is that really true?"   
"Yes it is."   
"That is screwed up"   
"The bread is finished" mother said caring two home made breads. She put them down on the table and everyone grabbed a slice, except for me. "Don't you want a slice Luka?" Trijana asked,   
"No I am not hungry" Mother stared at me,  
"You sure?"   
"Yes, I'm not hungry" I said in a little annoyed tone.   
  
"I hear you have met someone?" Daniell said.   
"Her name is Abby"   
"Is she nice?"   
"yes she is, she is an ER nurse and works together with me" We talked a little more, until everyone was finished eating  
  
"I need to go for a walk"   
"Be careful, it isn't so safe her you know." I just kill those who tries to attack me I thought Ironic  
"I know, bye" I walked out of the room and outside.  
  
The ones who sat around the table was silent before Trijana finally said   
"I am going after him" She ran out before anyone got the opportunity to stop her.  
  
I hadn't gone far when I heard someone calling my name, when I turned I saw Trijana coming running after me. She looked at my face to find traces after tears, there were none. She grabbed my hand and held it in her own, just as I had done when I comforted her when we was small. "I'm not going to ask if you are okay, cause I know you're not, do you want to tell me what is bothering you?"   
"Nothing" We started walking again,   
"I wont tell anyone, but please tell me what's wrong."   
  
We talked a little when we walked around I told her about Abby, Carol and different patients I have had and finally about all the immigrants.   
"It seems like it is hard to be a doctor there too"   
"Yes it is, they have made such stupid laws and regulations." Suddenly we saw a little boy running over the street, screaming for help. We ran towards him.   
"What is it?"   
"It's my mum, she is going into labour, and I am alone with her. I need to find a doctor."   
"I am a doctor, where is she?" The boy dragged us into a house and pointed at a room,   
"She is in there" My sister followed me in to the woman.   
"Hello I am Dr. Kovac, How far are you?"   
"36 weeks"   
"Try to control your breathing" I showed her how to breath. After two hours the woman had a little girl in his arms.   
"Thank you doctor" She said smilingly I smiled back to her.   
"You should get the baby and you to a hospital for a check up."   
"But I can't drive, my husband usually does it, but he is away."  
  
I turned to Trijana,   
"I drive this woman to the hospital, you go back home and tell them what have happened." Trijana nodded and ran out the door. I helped the woman into the car, and made sure she and the baby was comfortable. "You okay?"   
"Yes, I am fine" I remembered the way to hospital good. When we came more into the town I saw soldiers patrolling around with weapons. I felt my hate bubbling up inside, but managed to not show it.   
"So what is your name?" I asked the woman.   
"My name is Tina, what is yours?"   
"My name is Luka Kovac"   
"Oh! I know someone called Daniell Kovac.  
I smiled "That's my brother. So how do you know each other?"   
"He and his wife have helped me a lot through my pregnancy, my husband have been away the last four months. He works in England, we are going to move there when he have worked up enough money. "  
I smiled.   
"So what is your daughters name?"   
"I think it is Lucy, if she was a boy her name would have been Luka" She smiled.   
  
I helped the woman into the hospital. Where some doctors took car of her. One of the doctors asked me   
"Are you her husband?"   
"No I am the doctor who helped her deliver."   
"Where do you work?"   
"I work in Chicago County" The doctor smiled to me   
"We really need voluntaries here, so if you could help out sometime that would be very helpful."   
"I am going to stay in Croatia for a month, so I can help you out a little." The doctor smiled.   
"Thank you! When can you start?"   
"Whenever you need me to"   
"Today?"   
"Yes that's okay"   
"Where do you work in the hospital in Chicago?"   
"I work in the ER"   
"Terrific, that is the department where we need most help."  
  
The man gave me a lab coat and showed me around, and presented me to the other doctors. It was so different from the hospital in Chicago, it was clearly that it was a big lack of money here. And most of the patients where innocent victims of the war, children who had stepped on mines, people who was shot and lot's of other hurt of the war. After around five GSW I was exhausted. I was used to much more, but the lack of equipment made it harder. I found the woman I had helped.   
"How are you and your daughter?"   
"We are just fine. They are going to write us out now, because they don't have room for any non-critical."   
"Do you want me to drive you home?"   
"I couldn't ask you for something like that, you have already helped so much."   
"I have to get home anyway" She smiled and I helped her with the baby out in the car.  
  
When I walked through the streets back to the house, the sun had gone down and the streets was full of black shadows. I am usually not afraid of the dark, it's just the thought that someone can suddenly jump on me, it is not a very safe country I am in. So when I saw the house I breathed out again. The door was opened as soon as I walked up the three steps. Dad was poking his face outside.   
"Luka, you are extremely late"   
"Yes I am sorry for that, I volunteered in the hospital, they were in desperate need of doctors. I walked inside. Trijana came into the hall, "how did it go with the woman?"   
"Tina is fine and so is her daughter. She said she knew Daniell and Rianna, apparently they have helped her a lot through her pregnancy" I said and gasped, I was exhausted.   
"It was amazing how you helped that woman, you are a really good doctor" Trijana said.   
"Thanks, listen I'm very tired do you mind if I go to bed?"   
"No not at all, but aren't you hungry?"   
"No, I ate something at work, night"   
"Good night Luka"  
  
Trijana looked at her father, "I hope he doesn't overdo it"   
"Me too." The next days nothing particular happened.  
  
The tenth day I woke up just as early. I don't sleep to well so I usually does that. I grabbed a slice of bread and some cheese before writing a note to mum and dad where I was heading. I walked towards the bus stop and waited, the bus came ten minutes late. When I entered the bus I saw that there were some soldiers on it to. My hate bubbled of only the sight of them, some of them was maybe guilty for my wife and children's death. I sat down on a empty seat, and looked out of the window. The bus ride seemed like a eternity. And I figured that I was starting to get used to Croatia again.  
  
Abby walked in the doors of the ER, she was tired, since she didn't sleep well with Luka in Croatia. Carter sat by the admin. desk and read a magazine, looking bored.   
"Few patients?"  
"Not a single one. So when are Dr. Kovac back?" He replied.   
"Twenty days left. Where is everyone else?" Abby looked around but couldn't see anyone.   
"Malucci is hiding from Weaver. Benton and Cleo is busy in the suture room, and Weaver is hunting for Malucci" Abby smiled, Carter always made her mood lighten.   
"Do you want to grab a bite over at Doc Magoos?" She hadn't been eating breakfast.  
"Yeah sure, I just want to check out the news first."  
  
I walked into the Croatian ER and looked around, it seemed to be a little calmer than yesterday. Some other doctors was in the lounge, they greeted me with a smile. The main difference from the Chicago ER and the Croatian ER was apart from the lack of money, was that they weren't a single female doctor here, just male.  
  
I started seeing patients after a few minutes. It was harder to work down here than in Chicago, in less than an hour I had to tell one kid that her parents were dead, one kid that he we have to amputee his leg and tell one woman that her husband was going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life. Suddenly some men with masks over their faces came running in. They ordered all the doctors into the lounge, and threatened with automatics.   
  
It was surreal, it felt like I wasn't there but at the same time I was. The gunmen told everyone to shut up, and just do as they said. They said that they really didn't want to shoot anyone, but that they would do if they had to. They just wanted the politicians to hear their demands. I stood by the window and saw that a lot of cars had gathered around the hospital, many of them were cars with reporters.  
"Is there anyone here who speak American or English?"   
"I do" I stepped forward.   
"Follow me" I followed the man, and saw my temporary colleagues looking after me.  
"I want you to translate to the reporters" The man said, his voice was dark and full of hate.  
"Yes, you won't shot anyone will you?"  
"Maybe, it all depends" We was outside now and I felt a gun in my back.  
"Don't do anything stupid" The man warned me.  
  
Carter turned on the Television, and found CNN. A news reporter appeared.   
"A unknown number of terrorists have entered a hospital in Croatia, and are holding all the doctors and patients as hostages, the situation is tense. I get some information her now, it seems like the terrorists is going to talk. We get the situation in on the direct here on CNN."  
Abby grabbed Carter's hand, only the mentioning of the name country made her nervous. More of the doctors and nurses gathered in front of the television.  
  
Abby's face went pale when she saw her boyfriend appear on the television.   
  
To be Continued?? 


	4. Killing me softly part 4

Corday stared at the screen, she couldn't believe one of her co-workers, one she talked to every day appeared on the screen with a gun in his back.  
  
I swallowed, I could clearly feel the cold metal through my lab coat. The gunman spoke, and I translated to English. "We want food for our children, families, we want you to stop this war, or else we're going to kill all the doctors and all the patients. And if anyone does something stupid, this doctor will be one of the first to die" I translated as fast as I could. After the gunman was finished talking he pulled me back into the hospital without an other word.  
  
Malucci stared at the television screen, he couldn't believe this, as he glared over at Abby saw he that her face was paler than death. The hospital was still on the screen, and the news reporter said that they would keep updating them on the news through the evening.  
  
The other doctors sat in a corner in the lounge, the things that scared me most was that it seemed like the gunmen were disagreeing a lot, which could lead to a really dangerous situation. I wondered if Abby had watched the news, I hoped not, she would be so scared. It was weird, I felt completely calm, I didn't feel afraid at all. Somehow I knew how the gunmen felt, they were disappointed with them self, they weren't able to take care of their wives and children.   
  
I looked down on the floor, my heart had started to pound a little faster, I didn't like the way they waved around with those weapons. A nurse beside me started to cry, and one of the gunmen ordered her to keep her mouth shut. I put my arm around her neck to comfort her, the sobbing silenced after a while.   
  
How many of these people had family and friends who was scared to death of this? One thing was sure, someone would die, no way any war would be stopped because of this   
  
I saw some kids sitting in a corner, holding each other's hands. The sight of them made me start thinking of Marko and Jasna, my children. I stood up and carefully walked over to them, just waiting for the sound of a gun. But the gunmen didn't do anything, they let me go over to the kids, without any protest.  
  
"Hey, I'm Luka, who are you?" I whispered lowly to the three kids.  
"I'm Suzann, and this is my brothers Marko and Irvin"  
"Okay, just do as the men says, and I will try to get you out of here."  
"Okay" I stood up again, and walked over to one of the gunmen,  
"Could those kids be allowed to go? You don't need them for anything, think about how their family would suffer if they die"  
The gunman started thinking, and then he walked over to the others and started whispering.  
  
"Okay, the kids can go" The man said after a while. Suzann, Marko and Irvin ran out of the room. To my fear I saw one man raising his gun and aiming at the running kids. Before I could do anything, I heard the terrifying sound of a bullet leaving the gun. The three kids fell to the floor and a blood started covering the ground.  
  
I didn't know what to do, it was like I was watching some kind of horror movie. I turned to the man who held the gun, and raised my fist ready for a huge punch, making that man regret. But just before I was going to hit him I felt someone holding me back, and another fist in my stomach, over and over again.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity they let go of me and I sunk down on the floor. I couldn't stand up again, I just lied there seeing the pond of the children's blood growing, bigger, bigger and bigger before I blacked out.  
  
When I woke up it was from someone strong pulling me up.  
"Take it easy doctor, everything is gonna be okay" The one man said, I looked at him and saw that he was from the military, the good side.   
"The gunmen is dead" They helped me walk out of the lounge, I was dizzy, but I could see the dead bodies of the gunmen and the kids.   
  
I should have walked after them, then they would have been alive now.  
  
Abby stared at the television screen and saw military helping out victims, she looked carefully after if anyone was her dear Luka. Finally she saw him, being helped out by two men. The whole ER personnel went silent when they realised who was being helped out.   
  
I don't know how I managed to get home, I just remembering, lying in my bed with my mother and father carefully looking at me.  
"Luka?" My father said, shaking my shoulder a little  
"Yes, I'm fine just a little nauseous"   
"Go back to sleep now, you need it" My mother said smilingly  
"It's me who are supposed being a doctor you know" I said smilingly, just to calm them down.  
"Sleep well" Mum said before leaving and closing the door behind.  
Inside I felt like I was dead, Why did those children have to die? WHY?! I knew the answer they died because of me, they were perfectly fine until I decided to play hero. But I don't want to be a hero, I just want to die  
  
The next morning I felt a lot better and walked down the stairs, and I saw that mum, dad, Daniell and Trijana were sitting in the living room, discussing. I walked slowly inside, to not make my stomach hurt more than it already did.  
  
"Morning" I said, dropping to say that it was good, cause it wasn't three more kids were dead, and it felt like the world would never start spinning again.  
"How are you feeling?" Trijana asked quickly  
"As good as you feel after being punched several times" I said, not smiling.  
"Is it okay that I use the phone, I'll pay for it"  
"Go ahead" Dad answered.  
  
I dialled the number and waited for someone to pick up, finally  
"Chicago County, This is Randi, what can I do for you?"  
"Randi, This is Kovac, is Abby there?"  
"Dr. Kovac how are you?! You scared us to death up here, we saw everything on the news…"  
"I'm fine, could I speak with Abby?"  
"Sure"  
Now many of the nurses and doctors had gathered in front of the phone, to hear as much as possible. Abby made a way through all the people and grabbed the phone.  
"Luka! Are you alright?"  
"A little nauseous, how are life in Chicago?"  
"Are you sick or something?" Abby sounded scared  
"No, but I got hit a few times yesterday"   
"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly, I didn't answer that, just asked her something else.  
"Are you okay?"  
"I asked you first" She said  
"Not great" I admitted  
"What happened inside that hospital, Luka?"  
"I really don't want to talk about it right now, maybe later. I just called to say that I love you" I sighted  
"Do you have to go?" She asked, wanting to speak with him forever.  
"Yeah, I don't want the phone bill to be to big"  
"I love you too" She hung up and only the sound of the beep could be heard.  
  
As soon as Abby had put down the phone she was drowned by questions.  
"How was he?" Randi asked  
"Are he alright?" Jing-Mei said  
"What happened on the hospital?" Dave asked curiously  
Carter helped her through the mass of people and out of the hospital, outside he found a bench and sat down.  
"Are you okay?" He asked, since she seemed to be awfully pale.  
"No, he seemed to be in a pretty bad shape, something happened inside that hospital, but he wouldn't tell me what" She felt a tear fell down her cheek, and Carter as the perfect gentleman pulled out a handkerchief, and gave to her.  
"Thanks, Carter" She said. They just sat there, looking out over the river, wondering over the troubles and problem in their lives  



End file.
